Marshal Waits: Top Condition
by Filthily Unemployed
Summary: Marshal Waits was in top condition when Sevastopol still had its flowers blossom, but after an unknown specimen began to terrorise the station, Waits slowly became a grumpy, slightly depressed old man.
1. Slightly Depressed

**This is my second submission on Fanfiction. I appreciate criticism because I expect this story to be crappy. With that said, enjoy. :)**

* * *

 _"Interview subject: Heyst. Did I say that right - Heyst? Look, if you can't even tell me your name we're going to be here a hell of a long time. Come on kid, let's get you in a top condition like me. Come on, stand up! No? Tough guy, eh? Turner, turn off the tape. Maybe our friend here is just shy."_

Waits stared at the archive log, the event happened a few months ago. It was the time when he was still in a top condition. He had a royal income, big muscles and lots of sex. People even called him Marshal AIDS because he had the most active seed in Sevastopol at the time, now it's all gone. A hostile creature with the scientific name 'Xenomorph' was terrorizing Sevastopol for weeks, all because of those gangbangers at the Anesidora. Waits locked up one individual of the crew, Henry Marlow.

Ripley was interrogating Marlow for ten minutes now, Waits only picked up stuff he heard already. Samuels and Taylor were in the medical room and Ricardo was smoking in the lounge.

Ripley stepped away from Marlow's cell and looked frustrated, but she regained her courage and joined Waits.

"We need a plan, how will we contain the creature?" Ripley folded her arms.

Waits looked up from his desk. "The remote section of the station has what we need; lure the alien to it, seal the creature inside, and voila." Waits paused. "Ripley, you're the bait- I mean, the lurer and tech support."

"Great."

"And I got something you'll need." He took her to his weapon arsenal and pointed at the flamethrower. Ripley snatched it from the metal stand and hugged it tightly.

"Yay, a toy!" Ripley cheered and clapped.

Ricardo's cigarette burned out, he threw it on the ground, and joined Waits in his plan to put things right.

"Are we ready?" Ricardo asked.

"Yes, get to the control section in the SysTech Spire, we will get rid of this thing," Waits answered. And with that, Ricardo was off, Ripley following not long after with a different route. Waits got to the control computers in HQ. "Good luck, kids."

Ripley stepped out of the transit, her legs were shaking a bit, she had to encounter the terrorizing creature one last time. She took a deep breath and told herself everything was going to be okay. It was showtime.

Her hand hit the button on her headset. "I'm in the SysTech Spire."

"Fucking- fuck- fucking shit…"

"Waits? Is there something wro-" Ripley got cut off by a clearly pissed off Waits.

"Just fucking get to the Server Hub, I spilled my coffee-" Ripley ended the transmission and continued.

Meanwhile, Waits got a towel and tried to clean up the coffee. He kneeled down but his old-man back couldn't take it and his spine snapped, Waits fell to the ground in an unpleasant, fetal position.

"Samuels, come over here!"

Samuels got to Waits in no-time. "Waits, what happened?"

"Just kick me in the back, HARD. If it works, I'll give you a reward, but if you end up breaking my back then I'll drain your insurance fund."

"If you insist Waits," Samuels gave a swift kick to Waits' back and it snapped back together, Waits stood up.

"Thank you very much, Samuels; you get nothing, back to work."

Samuels looked down in disappointment and got on his way back to Taylor, but Waits ran in front of him, stopping Samuels.

"Wait, I DO have a reward for YOU," Waits offered.

"What is it?" Samuels felt a returning hope.

"You can lick my coffee off of the floor." Waits looked at Samuels with a smile only old people can do. Samuels sighed and walked off, hearing Waits' hysterical laugh.

"HAHAHA-"

"Fucking humans..." the synthetic muttered.

Waits mopped up the coffee, he did not want to risk snapping his spine again as there was no one around this time to help him, and Samuels was clearly done with Waits. He finished mopping and checked on Ripley.

"Waits, the creature - how are we going to seal it in?" Ripley asked over the radio.

"The Spire was built to process high-value compounds dredged up from the gas giant. Privacy repercussions are still in place. The tower can be shut off - vents, doors, everything. So I use you as bai- I mean, you build a cage and then Ricardo locks it down."

"Did someone say my name?"

"Yes, Ricardo. Dammit, pay attention."

Ripley broke it up. "Guys, I doubt being under your guidance, stop fighting like two little kids."

"What are you? A humanist? GET DOWN THERE!" Waits commanded.


	2. Old No More

_"Waits, we should talk about what happened in San Francisco a few weeks ago. Now, it was a nice event and I understand that you wanted to show-off your muscles to everyone, but your condition got worse over time. If we play it smart, we could be set up for life. I have the connections, Waits. I can set it up. You're getting old, Waits, you can't take on that specimen alone now that you're old and weak. You have my number. Ransome out."_

 _Reply from: Marshal Waits, 16:20 - "Shut up, I'm depressed enough already."_

Waits' toxic cutoff was ignored, and Ricardo led Ripley to the Server Hub Reception. The door was shut and it seemed to be connected with a switching station - a big bolt had to be turned for it to activate. Ripley's maintenance jack fit perfectly on the bolt, and she turned it with ease, the door slid open and Ripley entered the reception, where she met Ricardo again.

"Ripley, the terminal behind the reception desk, use it." Ripley signed in and she immediately saw lots of porn that was made months ago, starring Marshal Waits.

"Pretty nice, huh?" Ricardo smiled. Ripley looked at Ricardo, he could read the amazement and shock on her face.

Ripley browsed through the porn, Waits seemed genuinely happy, strong and fit in all those photos. "He looked so young back then, and the way I know him is as a grumpy old man, what happened?"

Just as Ricardo was about to answer, Waits interrupted. "How far are you people?"

"Ripley was just about to initiate the emergency lockdown," Ricardo lied.

Ripley nodded and found 'Initiate Lockdown' in the Utility tab, she selected it and a barrier slid down the doorway she just entered the reception with, trapping her in that area with the creature.

"Ripley, I'm doing everything I can here, remember that," Ricardo said while rolling up a joint.

* * *

A couple of minutes later, Ripley crouched out of the vent at Seegson Servers, she felt closer to salvation and danger than ever before, which made her feel awkward - this was practically a suicide mission, but it was the survivors' only chance of a safe Sevastopol.

The Server Hub was not as big as she had expected, Server Control was just at the other end of the room. Ripley was about to hack the door with her Access Tuner, but she crouched down after a loud sound came from the vents above her, signifying that the Alien is coming.

"Ripley, don't worry, I got this."

Ripley was about to open her mouth, but the Alien dropped out of the vent, and turned itself to Ripley. She hugged the flamethrower, but she just couldn't make herself press the button. Ripley sat on the ground, frozen in fear with a few tears sliding down her face, staring at the monster which was about to kill her.

Just before the Alien made itself ready for an attack, it got hit by a panel that detached from the ceiling, the hit stunned the Alien and gave Amanda time to hack the door.

"Haha, strike!" Ricardo did a small victory dance as he took a big drag from his joint. He accidently swinged his arm too fast and the joint slipped out of his hands, it rolled into the ventilation system for the lower floor, the Server Hub.

"Oh shit."

Ripley got tired of all his crap, "What do you mean 'oh shit'?"

Ricardo pulled a face like nothing happened, "Nothing, just hack the Server Control terminals and I'll do the rest."

Ripley clicked the button when the right signs were selected to complete the CALLBACK CODE on her tuner, Ricardo got the administrator rights in the Server Hub area, and closed the shutters.

"Okay Rip, we did it."

"Ricardo, I can't see clearly, there's white smoke everywhere."

"I'm sorry Ripley, I'm working on it." Ricardo felt anxious about it all, this is what his mother meant with 'don't smoke indoors.'

"Ricardo, what are you doing?" Waits scratched the back of his head.

Ricardo ignored Waits and opened the shutters, the smoke blended with the fresh air and Ripley was able to exit, along with the monster.

"Ricardo, why did you open it back up?"

"Sorry, I accidently dropped my joint into the ventilation system, I had to let Ripley go or she'd pass out."

Waits' hands shaked in anger, "What the actual fuck Ricardo, you are a flap-turd."

"Thanks for the insult old man, do you have a Plan C-"

Waits ended the call. Yes, he had a 'Plan C', and it definitely did not involve fools. He walked past Samuels and Taylor, who had recovered from her injury.

"Waits, what are you up to?"

Waits turned around and looked Samuels straight in the eyes, "I'm done with these fools Samuels, I'm gonna take it upon myself." He retrieved his baton, shotgun and keycard from his desk.

Waits entered the lounge and was about to hit the exit button, but Samuels grabbed his right arm and stopped him with force.

"I'm sorry Waits, I can't let that happen." Samuels tried to drug Waits with a sedative, but he resisted and struck Samuels with his left elbow, getting himself out of his grip. Then he did a roundhouse kick on Samuels' head, smashing it off. The synthetic's head rolled over the ground.

Waits hit the exit button fast, amazed at what he just performed "Damn, I'm still young." He exited HQ and turned around, extended his middlefinger at Taylor, then ran away.


	3. I've Got The Power

The body of the synthetic walked around without control, and his head was still activated. Waits had kicked off the head like it was nothing; lucky for Samuels, Taylor was there too.

"Samuels, are you alright?"

"Yes Taylor, can you do me a favor and put my head back on?"

Taylor grabbed the head, "You know Samuels, this is weirding me out." She clicked the head back on his body, and rotated it so it looked the right way.

"Thank you, that son of a bitch, Waits..." Samuels ran to the control room and used the radio. "Ripley, Ricardo, Waits has gone insane, he thinks he can take on the alien himself. You have to stop him."

Ricardo had to think for a minute, and then came up with an idea, "The alien has already explored the South-West Upper section of Sevastopol, I don't read any movements in this area, it must've gone to Comms Control. Even if we don't know Waits' exact location, it's our best bet."

* * *

Waits ran through the dark halls of Sevastopol, he wasn't worried about psychotic androids, paranoid survivors or a monster roaming the station. After kicking Samuels' ass, he felt young again, he couldn't recall the last time he pulled off master fighting like that.

Waits had his walkie-talkie switched on, and heard the whole conversation between Samuels, Taylor, Ricardo and Ripley. They were expecting him and the Alien in Comms Control, they were right, and Waits wasn't going to back out now - the alien was his.

As Waits walked his route, he sneaked past cameras in control of HQ, Samuels couldn't find him. "Waits is a ninja," he heard over the radio.

"He's a stealthy son of a bitch, always has been. Stiff too, have I ever told you guys about the time that he broke his neck just by performing a small exercise he saw in Dr. Phil?" Ricardo's statement made the crew laugh, Waits got a bit red from anger and shame. "Or that he accidentally let his pistol go off in his pants, which teared his belt and his pants slipped down? Everyone saw his ass because he didn't wear underwear that day!" The whole crew laughed again. Waits was now glowing red and furious at Ricardo, he snapped.

"AND I'LL HAPPILY PUT A BULLET IN YOUR ANUS IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP," Waits violently threatened. Samuels immediately began to search for his location, he cycled through the cameras and found one with Waits, sticking up his middlefingers at the cam. "Thanks for giving us your location, Waits." Waits sprinted to the transit hub and took the transit to the SysTech Spire.

Waits stepped out of the transit at Lorenz', no one was at the hub. Waits proceeded with caution, Ripley or Ricardo could be jumping him from any corner now.

"Waits, think about this," Samuels' convincing tone didn't even persuade Waits into coming back, "It's pointless, working together is much more beneficial. Did you seriously think taking all the credit for killing the threat is worth it?"

Waits held the walkie-talkie at his ear, "Yes."

 _Fitting song for this scene: 'Snap - I've got the power'_

"So be it, old cunt." Immediately, all the lights switched off, leaving Waits vulnerable for anything. Ricardo smashed his keyboard in all epicness, "Now Ripley, kick his ass, do it!"

All the lights switched back on, and Ripley jumped Waits from behind, she punched him and kicked him, but Waits didn't seem to take any damage at all, "Ripley, I may be old, but I'm also a mild boy."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"You'll see." Waits shook Ripley off of him. "Prepare to sleep, bitch." He did a roundhouse kick to break her neck, but she dodged it and threw her NoisemakerTM at his head. "Feel the NoisemakerTM, old cunt."

Waits groaned and rubbed his head. "I am not an old cunt, I'm a young cunt!" He started punching Ripley rapidly, punch after punch. Half of his punches were dodged and the other half were stopped by her hands. Waits smiled and did a high kick, Ripley dodged it by jumping backwards, the tip of his shoe touched her chin and did not much else. "Skinny, agile bitches." Ripley landed right on her feet, still facing Waits. "What's the matter? Does it hurt your masculinity that a girl is more agile than you?"

Ripley aimed her pistol at Waits and unloaded it in his face, "What the fuck." Waits chewed and crunched the bullets, then he spit them out. "It's gonna take more, youngster."

"Something like this?" Ripley got out her flamethrower and pointed it at Waits, "Aww, my own flamethrower, how cute." Ripley unloaded a supernova on Waits, the flamethrower was out of fuel fast.

"Now it's my turn." Waits jumped forward, grabbing Ripley's neck and they fell both on the ground with Waits choking Ripley and squeezing the life out of her. She striked him with her fists and she got loose after a bad struggle. As she recovered her stamina, Waits got up too, he sneaked up behind her and roundhouse-kicked her head again. Ripley dodged it from behind and did a counterattack, kicking him in his balls. The old man held his groin in pain, "Ow. Stupid bitch, do you know how much that hurts?"

Ripley got out her maintenance jack, and with a combination of well-timed kicks and strikes with the jack on his head, Waits couldn't take it anymore and fell unconscious.

"Who's sleeping now?"

The crew cheered and clapped at Ripley's victory, they all saw the fight on the CCTV and Samuels recorded it for YouTube. Ripley felt modest and raised her hand.

"Don't party just yet, we got a specimen to kill..."

* * *

 **After that horribly written fight, this fanfiction came to an end. Lukasstylezz thanked his readers for taking the time to read his fanfic. Have a nice day. :)**


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